Personal Change

Personal change can happen in many ways. The most effective is the change we opt-in to make. These are the changes we agree should be made and more importantly should be made. I am not talking about the simple choices in life like which Starbuck’s flavor to buy, or what clothes to wear today. No, I am talking about personal behavioral changes.

One of my most important changes recently is deciding to hold my tongue. I mean those moments where a choice jab or curt response is right there on the tip of that devil. I realized I do far more harm than good when those little missiles get launched. So, I work hard at holding them back. More importantly I try altering my thought process that leads up to those moments.

In business we all have meetings that consume our day; most of the time we have a good sense of how the meeting will go. This evaluation depends on the topic and the people participating or the leaders holding the meeting. Usually we can adjust our thinking to properly calibrate for that time. If the topic is intense, we can bolster ourselves for heated discussion. If the leader is laid back, maybe the temperature in the room will be mild. So thinking ahead can often posture our minds for the right response when we are called upon or challenged. Oh sure, there are those surprise moments where we feel ambushed. But even then, if we have been practicing a solid mindset about the work situation, our response can be measured and guarded appropriately.

Our personal lives may not be as easy. For one, we get too familiar with those closest to us. We forget to realize they too have feelings and can say or do things that catch us off guard. So practicing the mindset calibration so readily recognized in business, is often much harder to do at home. I argue that the personal realm has an even greater need for this kind of internal change. Jobs come and go. Work load changes constantly. But the immediate family is here to stay.

I encourage you to take this little challenge. Change your mind about the thoughts you like to hold onto; the ones that cause the caustic remarks and hard biting quips. Let it go. Hold them back. Then, over time, see if your whole world starts to look up, be a little calmer and friendlier. I’ll bet it will.

Impact Planning

Priority_Plan

Do you have a personal priority plan? I am not talking about just setting goals. Do you have a way to know that the things for which you are spending time are fitting into a master plan? Look at the graphic above here. This is a classic way to orient your thinking on this topic. High effort and high impact things usually always get classified as “major projects”. Not only do they require that high effort and high impact FROM you, but, more importantly, they represent high value to the world AROUND you.

Independence Day 2013

When I awoke early this morning, I was excited about the day and weekend ahead. My adult children are all assembling for the weekend. There will be food, fun, swimming, food, laughter, adult beverages, food, more swimming, did I mention food? Yet I found myself pondering the day and its original meaning. Being a military vet myself, I routinely take a degree of pride in the various national holidays that honor and recognize the sacrifices of many who stood for the cause of liberty, democracy, and independence from tyranny. While I processed those thoughts, I realized I have a very unsettled and perhaps troubled heart about our current state of affairs as a nation.

First, we are suffering from a void in national leadership. I am not speaking of a political party thing here, but a systemic void. Neither party has been able to build a strong base of bi-partisan support for any of the key issues we face. No one person has been able to lead from the front. Oh yes, we have the high profile individuals who are filling the positions of leadership; President, Chief Justice, Speaker of the House etc., but none of them can truly inspire the country as a whole. While they have their respective and intensely vocal fan base who allows them to be elected, re-elected or selected for their position, we are galvanizing and polarizing as a nation at an alarming rate. The undercurrent I feel is troublesome.

Why should I feel this way? In the past three years I have conducted business from coast to coast. I have hired and managed hundreds of fellow Americans who were impacted by the economic crisis of 2007-2009. I have coached and interviewed thousands of other workers. My collective observation having spoken with these people and watched their personal values and agenda play into the workforce suggests we are divided as a nation. Please understand, I am not condemning these actions. I am merely expressing a concern for the way in which good people have been forced to adopt survivalist mindsets at work. By in large, it’s a free-for-all. As I have experienced it in the past three years, the proportion of the work force is small, who truly can arrive at work ready and willing to deliver a good day’s work for a fair wage i.e. the “old fashioned’ values demonstrated by our forefathers. The majority will report in / clock in and commence to find ways to either argue for the sake of argument about what is being asked of them or simply find ways to assert their “entitlements” like break times, lunch times, and personal times. I am not qualified nor do I care to opine on the psychological and emotional reasons for such behavior. But I can tell you it concerns me greatly. I firmly believe this is largely because of failed national leadership. The mixed messaging, uncooperative approach, and almost combative nature that our so-called leaders demonstrate daily among themselves permeate the very fiber of this country.

I hereby declare an Independence Day from this kind of selfish, entitlement based arrogance. I challenge my fellow Americans to watch closely during the next election and select wisely. Become an informed electorate. And above all, let’s pray for God’s favor to raise up a group of leaders who can truly lead.

London Marathon 2013

4/21/13
Today was very surreal. We are in London on the same day as the running of the 2013 London Marathon. If you have followed the news this past week, you are keenly aware of the horrific tragedy of the bombing at the finish line of the Boston Marathon on Monday, 4/15. Today, the entire city of London seemed to have turned out for the running of their marathon. There were over 35,000 runners and likely about 500,000 spectators. Normally crowds like that are daunting. But Susan and I strode headlong into the masses, not once thinking about the danger of or fear for a similar bombing attempt. I have to tell you it was empowering. Earlier in the day the runners were led in a 30 second silent prayer for those killed or injured in Boston. Then the race was started. It was euphoric. These tens of thousands of dedicated souls snubbed their collective noses at malcontents everywhere who might try to perpetrate a fear campaign by staging a spineless and selfish act like a bombing. They banded together in solidarity with runners everywhere to demonstrate the strength of the human spirit to endure senseless acts of violence. They endured their own physical and mental challenge to press on to their finish lines, proving that just 6 days removed from a scary and tragic finish in Boston, there could be triumph once again. As my wife and I walked through the crowds, we congratulated every runner we saw. In some cases we stopped and chatted, mentioning we were from the States and we expressed our appreciation for their attempt to run the race today. All seemed moved when they fully heard the context of our congratulatory remarks. One must recall the Brits have their own 9/11 and Boston experience. It is called 7/7 here for July 7, 2005 when 4 suicide bombers attacked three trains and a bus in simultaneous bombings. They know the same swirl of emotion we have felt; sadness for the loss of life and the pain and suffering of those injured. Yet, just like the USA, they pulled together and resumed life without giving an inch to the terrorists cause. In London today, we saw that same strong spirit rise to the call. It was wonderful! Thank you U.K. for a trip we will never forget.

Does Your Story Have a Punchline?

Job Seekers looking for new opportunities need to be able to significantly contribute to the selection process by telling an effective “transition story”. What this means is to develop a strong and compelling bridge between what you did before and what you can do now for the new employer. This often involves taking your former employment positions and reshaping the explanation of what they were into the language and focus of what the prospective employer is and does.

Too many job candidates leave this critical phase of the interviewing process up to the interviewer, recruiter, or hiring manager. No, YOU must be the maker of this destiny. It’s YOUR story; you need to be the one telling it. Think of it this way….good comedians don’t build the story line of a good joke and stop near the end to let you, the listener, decide what the punch line should be. It won’t be funny. So if you are a job candidate, why would you work hard to write an effective resume, score an interview, and then stop short to leave the punch line up to the interviewer?

You need to take charge of your transition story. You are transitioning your skills and experience into a new opportunity. Focus on creating a good, firm story of how your abilities will translate and shift into productive outcomes for a new employer.

Rocks and Sand

The other day I was meeting with a client and found myself recalling an old but reliable metaphor. There is a demonstration that I have used many times. I don’t know who first created this idea, but it can be profound. It goes like this…..

If you fill a container with a certain amount of sand, then try to insert several large rocks, not all of the rocks can fit into the container. But, if you start with the rocks, then pour in the sand, you can get all the rocks and all of the sand into the container. This story can be interpreted many ways.

The container is the 24 hours in our day, 86,400 seconds; the one constant we all share. Trying to decide what we choose to fill our day is like the combination of rocks and sand. The rocks are the important things, large challenges or tasks we really should be handling day by day. The sand is the little stuff; emails, phone calls, text messages, etc. If we spend our time focused on the small stuff, we fill our day and pretty soon there is no time left. We try to grab a few rocks. Some get done, but most do not.

The better approach is to handle the rocks first. Get them handled, then add in the little stuff. You will be pleasantly surprised that you find your self doing it all, missing nothing.

Don’t Swallow the Crunchy Stuff

During a trip to the dentist for some work on a crown, I was sitting comfortably in the chair. As my dentist got to work, she said “OK, I am going to start now; don’t swallow the crunchy stuff”. It occurs to me this could be good advice when confronted with challenging and perhaps even adversarial people. As a dialogue develops, things can escalate. Feelings can get hurt. It is often easy to get away from the issues at hand and, instead, get worked up over the personal violation we feel.

I suggest to you “don’t swallow the crunchy stuff”. Do not accept threats, name calling, and other trigger words that can set off bad feelings. Stay focused on the task or matter at hand. Do not let another person suck you into a battle of words over ideas or comments that should not be in the discussion.

Chasing Your Tail?

Remember watching a cat or dog chase their tail? The real question is when was the last time someone watched you chasing your tail? As I reflect on various chapters of my life and as I hear friends and colleagues share various experiences, it strikes me that we are just a guilty as our feline and canine friends of chasing that darn tail. Here are a few thoughts to consider.

  1. If you are not certain you have been chasing your tail, look at the size of the circle. The tight crazy spirals are easy to detect. It does not take long in the loop to recognize you are, in fact, running in circles. It feels fast, definitely frenzied, and dizzying. So it becomes easy to declare the insanity and stop the cycle. The tougher challenge is those large, slow, looping circles that may actually seem like graceful glides through the situation you are in. If you return to the same place and outcome, you have been chasing your tail.
  2. Old animals don’t chase their tail. As funny as it may sound, seldom in the animal kingdom will we see an older, wiser creature chasing his tail. That is with one exception….homo sapiens. Yes, the human race is not immune to repeating old habits regardless of age. The truth is, we never really stop chasing our tail in one area or another until we fully agree to truly learn from that experience. Input from trusted friends and loving family can certainly help, but each of us must come to the complete understanding of the forces that drive us into the temptation to chase that beautiful bushy tail.
  3. It’s not wise to stick your hand into the middle someone else’s circle while they are running at full speed. I did that once when one of my cats was so engrossed in chasing his tail that he seemed to have forgotten all other things. What I did not know was that the cat was intent on biting the catch as hard as he could when he found it. My hand substituted for the catch. Wow, that hurt. Yes, I stopped the cat and saved him from probable sickness, but I paid a big price. As noble as trying to stop someone else’s frenzy may sound, there is a point at which outsiders must stay out of the way. It’s far easier to intercede and assist with helping someone stop a cycle in the early stages before the momentum builds.